Friday Morning
Me: Babe, can you make sure you get Grant’s animal pacifier when you pick him up from daycare?
Husband: Okay. Where is it?
Me: It should be in one of his cubbies.
Husband: Okay.
Friday Evening
Me: Babe, where’s his pacifier?
Husband: I looked in both of his cubbies and I couldn’t find it anywhere.
Me: Did you ask one the ladies in the room where it was?
Husband: You didn’t tell me to do that.
Me: **blank stare**
I love that man!
Filed under Mothers
By: Davida Grant
My preschooler, Simone, got her first report card this week, or rather I should say the hubby and I got it. I was a bundle of nerves before the parent-teacher meeting. I really want baby girl to do well and being the overachiever, straight-A student I was, I was fearful that I would not respond well if Simone’s teacher gave her less than favorable or even mediocre scores. I know this sounds a little crazy because she’s only three, but hear me out. Simone had serious medical issues her first year of life which impaired her ability to verbally express any sound until she was 1-years old. Since then, she’s been in speech therapy classes (thanks Stacey Raina, a Brookland area DC mom) and at home, we’ve put a lot of effort into developing her pre-literacy skills. We apprised her teachers of her issues and Simone has been consistently working with a school speech therapist. Her communication skills have improved dramatically. While I would expect Simone’s report card to take into account her communication issues, those issues should not be used against her. I’m not having that, PERIOD. Simone, from a cognitive perspective, is on track (she’s had multiple tests in this area) so I fully expect the majority of her scores to reflect that she is on target.
The hairs on my arms (nope, I don’t wax those) were literally standing at attention when I sat down for the meeting. I braced myself as her teachers (she has two) slid over the white envelope containing her report card. You could hear a pin drop. WHY WEREN’T THEY TALKING! As I opened it, the sound of my heartbeat was pounding in my ears. I know this sounds overly dramatic, but it’s the truth. My hubby stared at me, not knowing which Vida Marie he’d see if I didn’t like those scores. I know he was silently praying, Lord please let Simone’s scores be good AND Lord, please don’t let my wife embarrass me. I marvel at how that man deals with me, but I digress. I quickly glanced at the report card, focusing on her scores. I took a deep breath, and the meeting began.
Her scores were a mixed bag. She scored “on target” ( a 3 out of 5 rating) in most areas (YAY), but received a “1” and a “2” in a few. As her teachers explained the “low” scores, I did my best to remain calm and focused. After all, the purpose of the meeting was to identify any areas of concern and that’s valuable. So, how did I do? Well, surprisingly I took it in stride. My hubby was so impressed with me!!!! He was positive I was going to grill them. Thinking back on it, there was something about her primary teacher’s demeanor. It was soothing. Somehow, she made me feel like everything was okay. I say hats off to her because I know I can be a piece of work, especially when it comes to my babies. I heard and more importantly I received her message. Simone is generally on track and only needs a little more help in a couple areas. We agreed that there were additional steps the hubby and I could take at home to reinforce the classroom learning, and they agreed to apprise us on a fairly routine basis regarding her progress. That’s a win-win for everybody. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
How was your child’s first report card? Feel free to brag. I love celebrating excellence.
By: Davida Grant
Grant is 6-months old now and is expressing interest in food. You should see the way he stares at my mouth when I eat. His jabber jaws start moving, and the saliva starts flowing. It’s too cute. I think, actually I know, my baby is ready for food.
Without fail, every Monday morning Grant’s care giver asks, “Have you started him on food yet?” I reply, “Uh, not yet. It’s been a busy weekend.” Or, I say, “I haven’t figured out my plan for the transition.” Once I even said, “He’s still getting over his cold. I’m going to wait until he gets better.” I think you get the drift. These are just excuses. What’s the real issue here? Hmmmm.
I know that there is no requirement that I begin introducing solid food into his diet. While some claim that milk is insufficient to address all of a baby’s nutritional needs after 6-months in age, that is not the case for every baby. Many families choose to wait until their child is 9 months or even older before introducing solid food. Grant’s pediatrician has given us the green light to start him on solid food, but she emphasized that we have the discretion to decide when to start the process. So long as Grant continues to gain weight, which he is, and meets his age-appropriate milestones, which he is, she’s not concerned.
Grant is primarily on breast milk ( 15% formula), which of course is extremely beneficial to his health and development. I’m going to try my best to continue pumping until he’s one-years old, as the hubby and I want his immunity to be as strong as possible. But if I’m being truly honest, my decision to keep Grant solely on milk for now has nothing to do with the benefits of breast milk. It has nothing to do with my busy schedule. It has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t have a “plan” in place for transition. At the end of the day, I’m just not ready for Grant to move to this next phase in his life. I want him to stay just like he is. I know this probably sounds crazy, but it’s really the truth.
I’m the big baby now. I’ll grow up people, I will. Sigh….
By: Davida Grant
If your child has a serious medical condition, he or she may be entitled to Medicaid benefits, even if your family’s financial resources far exceed the financial eligibility criteria applied to Medicaid recipients.
I feel compelled to talk about this. There are so many middle class families out there with disabled or severe special needs children that simply don’t know about available Medicaid resources. I certainly didn’t. God sent me an “angel” that put the bug in my ear that our family might qualify for Medicaid for Simone’s ailments. And guess what, WE QUALIFIED! Here’s my story.
In an earlier post, I shared that my daughter, Simone, now 3.5-years old, was born with a serious medical condition, requiring hospitalization for the first 6-months of her life. When we finally took her home, we were over the moon. Words can’t express the stress and torment I experienced seeing my infant fight for her life. Despite the euphoria we felt having her home, looming in the background was, how are we going to pay for her care? My husband and I both worked and were not in a financial position to have me stay at home to care for her. And honestly, even if I could have stayed home, Simone needed skilled nursing care. Make no mistake, I took every training class there was to prepare myself in the event Simone experienced a life-threatening issue, but professional care was needed and that costs money, the big bucks!
Yes, we had medical insurance, but if you have a child with significant medical issues, you know that medical insurance only goes so far. The rest is up to you and when those medical creditors come knocking, they are no joke. I can’t even begin to quantify Simone’s total medical expenses, but I can say with absolute certainty that they were in the millions. What middle class family do you know that can afford to pay that, even after insurance covers 80-90%? Simone had already racked up a mountain of expenses before she came home and she still had additional surgeries on the horizon. Not to mention, the day-to day skilled nursing care and equipment usage she required easily generated thousands of dollars in expenses per month. We didn’t know what we were going to do to cover these costs.
So how did we find out? You would think her case managers at the hospital would have advised us of all available financial resources, given that they knew Simone’s recovery would be lengthy. But nope. In our case, one of the nurses that provided home care for our daughter mentioned that there is an exception under the Medicaid program for disabled or special needs children with serious medical conditions – the Katie Beckett exception. Any child that meets the medical eligibility requirements – regardless of their parents’ financial status — can qualify because only the child’s income is considered, which in most cases is nothing or miniscule. She wasn’t sure if Simone qualified based on her medical conditions, but suggested that I research the program. I did and it turned out that Simone qualified. Because we are a middle class family with income well beyond the maximum income thresholds for Medicaid, we never even considered Medicaid as an option. Armed with this information, I applied (oh that process was a BEAR), and ultimately Simone was approved. From that point forward, ALL of her medical expenses that were not covered by our medical insurance were paid by Medicaid. Just to drive this home, we would have had to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to cover Simone’s expenses, money we absolutely did not have, if we had not qualified for the Katie Beckett Medicaid exception.
All of this came rushing back because a friend who recently had a baby with serious medical issues is in the same boat. After celebrating the fact that her daughter was home, we talked about her family’s plan for care. She had no idea how her family was going to manage the day-to-day care and financial burdens of caring for their daughter. I shared my experience and, not surprisingly, she had never heard of the Medicaid exception. She is in the process of obtaining the necessary approvals.Yay!
I know that we aren’t alone. Resources are out there and unfortunately information is not readily available to many families. If your child has a serious medical issue, I can’t guarantee that they will be covered by Medicaid, but it’s worth pursuing.
I hope this helps.
http://dchealthcheck.net/documents/KB-Fact-Sheet-for-Community-July-2012.pdf
Filed under Infants, medical issues
By: Davida Grant
My husband, bless his heart, is something else. Yesterday, he picked up baby girl from preschool and sent me a not so friendly text asking which coat was hers and then questioned why I hadn’t written her name in the coat. My first reaction was, “how can you possibly not know what your daughter’s coat looks like.” Once I set him straight, and mommies you know exactly what I mean when I say “set him straight,” I started thinking about roles. I know every family is different, but are there some roles that naturally fall to mommies and others to daddies? Hmmm.
So if you’ve read any of my prior posts, you know that I often reference the “super mommy cape.” And let me say that I put that bad boy on just about every day. In my household, I handle the majority of the kid-related tasks for our family. This includes cooking, bathing, reading, dressing, shopping for clothing and other kid-related items, setting doctor appointments, taking kids to appointments, communicating with teachers, washing the kids clothes…Okay let me just stop there. Now, I’m not suggesting that my husband does none of these things. He does, but I am the primary in all of these areas and if I had to be honest, I think my husband not only wants it that way but expects it to be that way. He views that as the “mommy” role.
So what is the “daddy” role? Well, he is a fantastic provider and he wholeheartedly accepts this role. He wants to know that the kids and I have everything we need and is quick to give me money to handle all of the “tasks” previously mentioned. Interestingly, he rarely thinks to just handle one of the tasks himself. I must make the suggestion. My husband is Mr. Solution. He enjoys “fixing” things and happily accepts this role. For example, a few weeks ago I was struggling to get the kids ready in the morning and leave the house on time. I seemed to be late everyday no matter what I did. So Mr. Solution reviewed my morning routine with me and identified the areas where I could shave off some time if I made an adjustment here or there. I have to admit his suggestions were great. But again, interestingly, my husband never considered helping me implement those changes to make my mornings run smoother and faster. And perhaps what’s even more interesting is that I didn’t question his failure to do so. Instead, I just assumed “my role” and did it.
As I write this post, I can’t help but wonder if my experience is the norm. There really is no guidebook here, right? I mean is my husband wrong for not taking on additional roles regarding the kids? My husband helps and I’m grateful for what he does, but could he do more, yes? Am I wrong for assuming the primary role and letting him off the hook if you will? If he offered to do more, how would I take it? I’d like to say I’d embrace it with open arms, but if I’m being honest, I have to admit that I like being the hands on parent. I need to know EVERYTHING that’s going on with my kids. My husband, not so much.
Any who, this is just food for thought. What are the roles in your family? Please share.
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Filed under Parenting Trends
Vida Marie
Just 4 Mommies 