Parental Roles: Who does what?

By:  Davida Grant

My husband, bless his heart, is something else.  Yesterday, he picked up baby girl from preschool and sent me a not so friendly text asking which coat was hers and then questioned why I hadn’t written her name in the coat.  My first reaction was, “how can you possibly not know what your daughter’s coat looks like.”  Once I set him straight, and mommies you know exactly what I mean when I say “set him straight,” I started thinking about roles.  I know every family is different, but are there some roles that naturally fall to mommies and others to daddies?  Hmmm.

So if you’ve read any of my prior posts, you know that I often reference the “super mommy cape.”  And let me say that I put that bad boy on just about every day.  In my household, I handle the majority of the kid-related tasks for our family.  This includes cooking, bathing, reading, dressing, shopping for clothing and other kid-related items, setting doctor appointments, taking kids to appointments, communicating with teachers, washing the kids clothes…Okay let me just stop there.  Now, I’m not suggesting that my husband does none of these things.  He does, but I am the primary in all of these areas and if I had to be honest, I think my husband not only wants it that way but expects it to be that way.  He views that as the “mommy” role.

So what is the “daddy” role?  Well, he is a fantastic provider and he wholeheartedly accepts this role.  He wants to know that the kids and I have everything we need and is quick to give me money to handle all of the “tasks” previously mentioned.  Interestingly, he rarely thinks to just handle one of the tasks himself.  I must make the suggestion.  My husband is Mr. Solution.  He enjoys “fixing” things and happily accepts this role.  For example, a few weeks ago I was struggling to get the kids ready in the morning and leave the house on time.  I seemed to be late everyday no matter what I did.  So Mr. Solution reviewed my morning routine with me and identified the areas where I could shave off some time if I made an adjustment here or there.  I have to admit his suggestions were great.  But again, interestingly, my husband never considered helping me implement those changes to make my mornings run smoother and faster.  And perhaps what’s even more interesting is that I didn’t question his failure to do so.  Instead, I just assumed “my role” and did it.

As I write this post, I can’t help but wonder if my experience is the norm.  There really is no guidebook here, right?  I mean is my husband wrong for not taking on additional roles regarding the kids?  My husband helps and I’m grateful for what he does, but could he do more, yes?  Am I wrong for assuming the primary role and letting him off the hook if you will?  If he offered to do more, how would I take it?  I’d like to say I’d embrace it with open arms, but if I’m being honest, I have to admit that I like being the hands on parent.  I need to know EVERYTHING that’s going on with my kids.  My husband, not so much.

Any who, this is just food for thought.  What are the roles in your family?  Please share.

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