My Toddler Finally Likes her Little Brother. Whew!!!

By:  Davida Grant

I think Simone has turned a corner.  Finally, she likes and maybe even loves her little brother, Grant.

My story is not unique.  Many moms have shared that their toddler had issues adjusting to a new baby in the house.  I really hoped and prayed this would not happen to my family.  Adjusting to two kids would be difficult enough for me and the hubby.  Throw an “unwilling to adjust” 3-year old in the mix and it would be a looooooooong summer.  Sigh…. You already know the deal.  Simone Isabella wasn’t having it!

I am a planner and always want every “i” dotted and “t” crossed ahead of time.  So, I endeavored to figure out a way to get Simone on board with our new bundle of joy before she ever laid eyes on him.  With tons of advice from other moms, I started talking to Simone about the baby months before his arrival.  I showed her pictures of a baby and pointed to my stomach.  I talked to the baby while she was present and encouraged her to do the same.  When she played with her baby dolls, I’d emphasize that she’d soon have a baby brother and he’d be similar to her doll.  Simone seemed to be all in.  She’d listen attentively.  She’d rub my stomach.  She’d even point to my stomach and say, “baby, Mommy?”, to which I’d gleefully respond with a yes.  What more could I ask for?  We were on track, right?????  But no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were rough times ahead.  Simone love Love LOVES being the center of attention.  Yes she can be loving and nurturing, but baby girl has a jealous and mean side to her that can send chills up my spine.  With a new baby, I’d have to share my attention.  Deep down I knew that Simone wasn’t having any part of that.  But I kept my fingers crossed and hoped for the best.

When Simone first laid eyes on Grant, she was all smiles.  “The baby, mommy?” she asked, staring lovingly at Grant.  I was delighted.   Simone seemed happy and ready to assume her role as Big Sister.  Oh how quickly things changed. Literally the next day, I noticed a significant cooling in Simone’s attitude towards Grant.  That morning, she gave him a once over and practically ignored him.  In fact, she only acknowledged him when he cried for an extended period of time.  In those instances, she’d look at me and say, “baby crying, mommy”, which was immediately followed by a look that said, “get him PLEASE!!!!!”  I tried to pique her interest in Grant, but nothing worked.  She wasn’t “mean” to him, but she basically didn’t want anything to do with him.  And every time I directed my attention to Grant, Simone tried to divert my attention back to her.  Simone was NOT willing to share.

I had to come up with something and fast. While I do wear the super mommy cape, there is still only one of me.  There’s no way I could give Simone all the attention she craved.  The hubby and I became a tag team.  If I had to tend to Grant,  he’d focus on Simone and vice versa. But when he wasn’t there, it was really R O U G H.  I wish “ignoring Grant” was all she did.  Simone quickly added to her antics.  She  wanted me to pick her up every time I picked up the baby.  She’d ask for something to drink every time I gave Grant a bottle.  She wanted to change her clothes every time I changed Grant.  But the coup de grace?  My toilet-trained daughter started having “number 2s” again in her panties and sometimes on the floor!  We had hit rock bottom.  My irritation and frustration knew no bounds.  Her regression was not cute on ANY level.  Arrgh!!!!!!  But no matter how much I wanted to kick and scream, I was the adult and I had to figure this out.  Trust me, it was a tall order!!!!

I tried every thing.  We’d have talks about her and Grant.  I made a concerted effort to make her feel included in the day-to-day activities with Grant.  I devised Simone-specific activities to distract her when I needed to tend to Grant.  I even set aside Simone-only time just to make sure she still felt special.  Nothing worked.  For the first three months, I didn’t see one iota of a difference.  And then one day, it happened.  I wish I could point to the trigger, but I can’t.  Simone just up and decided that she wanted to get involved.  Grant was crying and as I started to reach for his pacifier, Simone grabbed it and took it over to him.  She gently put it in his mouth, turned, gave me the biggest smile and said, “I did it, mommy.”  I almost fell over from the shock.  This is the Simone I’d been waiting months for.  Had she really arrived????

It’s been a slow journey.  Simone still has her moments but she has embraced having a little brother.  She’s always hugging him and kissing him and talking to him.  It’s adorable.  She wants to help me change him, feed him and sing him to sleep.  Now, I absolutely have to praise her efforts and I still have to give her lots of Simone-only attention, but I think she’s turned a corner.  Thank God!!!!

What about you?  How did your little one adjust to having a new sibling?