Co-Sleeping. Is it really a no no?

By:  Davida Grant

Grant sleeps with me EVERY night, cuddled up right beside me. There, I said it.  You might hate it.  But guess what?  He’ll be back in my bed tonight.

It feels AMAZING letting this out.  I’m so tired of hearing everybody tell me “it’s not safe for the baby.”  Or “you night roll over and kill him.”   The backlash from some of my friends and family has been frustrating.  People, I get it.  I know that co-sleeping can pose a safety risk.  I’ve read the  articles.  I however sleep in a static position, so smothering Grant is not an issue.  I understand that you only want what’s best for me and Grant.  But aren’t I the best person to make this decision?

Co-sleeping is prevalent and urged in many cultures.  Why? Probably because there are some real benefits of co-sleeping.  Some studies show that babies that sleep with their parents will, as adults, have higher self-esteem, be more comfortable with intimacy and have fewer behavioral problems.   Google it.  I promise I’m not making this up.  For moms, co-sleeping can help us get more sleep and makes nursing much easier.

My point here is not to ENDORSE co-sleeping.  Rather, it’s to convey that co-sleeping can be a valid option.   Co-sleeping is best for us.  I want and need to be able to see Grant, to hear him breathe.  I can’t if he’s in his bedroom or even in a bassinet in my room.   Grant has had coughing episodes at night and choked on his saliva.  Each time I was there.  Grant has rolled onto his stomach at night, with his face pressed into the mattress.  I was there.  I live in fear that Grant will stop breathing, or choke on his saliva, or roll over on his stomach and suffocate.   Maybe I’m paranoid.   Maybe I’m crazy.   But so be it.  Until I feel 100% comfortable that Grant can sleep safely, he’ll be posted up right beside me.

What are your thoughts on co-sleeping?  What other “advice’ have you bucked because it doesn’t work for your family?

Handling Tantrums

By:  Davida Grant

Before I had kids, I was quick to say “my child better not act like that” whenever I’d see children having a tantrum, especially in public.  Oh how naive I was.  Yes, I am that mommy you see in the grocery store with a toddler rolling around on the floor.  The fact is, tantrums are inevitable.  Accept it.   There are however things we can do to minimize their occurrence and hopefully shorten the episodes.  Here are some of my tips for handling and preventing tantrums.

1.  Understand your child’s triggers.   In my experience, there are certain things that will almost always set a child off if he or she doesn’t get their way.  My daughter, for example, is a huge snacker.  When I don’t have a snack readily available, Simone often throws a tantrum.  I’ve also noticed that she’s more prone to a tantrum if she hasn’t had a nap or a sufficient amount of sleep.  A well-rested Simone is more apt to listen to me when she can’t immediately get her way.

2.  Be prepared.  If you understand your child’s triggers, have a plan in place to thwart the episode.  When Simone asks for a snack, she wants it yesterday!!!  I’m a big fan of having healthy snacks available, but I have to make sure that snacks do not replace meals.  Simone would rather eat snacks all day than sit for a meal.  Knowing her desires and likely reactions, I make sure I’m prepared and I have snacks available.  However, if lunchtime is approaching, a snack is not appropriate.  If Simone asks for a snack, I explain that we are about to eat lunch and I tell her all about that yummy meal.  If that doesn’t do the trick, I tell her that she can have a snack AFTER lunch and our next activity.  I then let her choose what the snack will be. Often, this strategy works.  And trust me, as soon as the activity ends, Simone wants her snack.

3.  Remain calm and ignore.  When a tantrum is in progress, it’s important that I remain calm.  This can be challenging, especially when I’m in Macy’s and Simone is on the floor with legs kicking and arms flailing.  But I’ve noticed that if I stay calm and wait it out, Simone often corrects herself and ends the tantrum.  This has been a work in progress because Simone is stubborn and not only does she want what she wants when she wants it, but she wants attention.  When I deny both, Simone can  go into overdrive, producing the tsunami of tantrums!!!  Tantrums are a true test in patience.  I literally want to pull my hair out, but by consistently remaining cool as a cucumber and ignoring her, I am starting to see a difference.  Baby girl is finally starting to get it that tantrums don’t work on mommy.

4.  Use it as an opportunity to teach a lesson.  I think a consequence should be imposed when a child has a tantrum.  It reinforces that tantrums are not acceptable. After Simone throws a tantrum because she did not get a snack, I explain that she is not getting a snack then or at the next appropriate time because she chose to have the tantrum.  When she inevitably asks for a snack ONE MINUTE later, I remind her of the tantrum and that as a consequence, she can’t have the snack.  Fast forward, the next time she’s ABOUT to have a tantrum (which could be five minutes later), I remind her of what happened last time.  While not foolproof, this generally nips it in the bud, though I must say Simone gives me the “death stare” for at least five minutes thereafter.

5.  Use the one thing your child “hates” as a weapon.  Simone absolutely hates going to bed.  Whenever I verbally reprimand her, she asks, “night night, mommy?”  If I respond yes, she immediately bursts into tears.  Knowing this, I will use it to get her in line.  As a tantrum approaches, if I can’t calm her down, I’ll tell her she will be going to bed if she doesn’t get it together.  This almost always works and the few times it hasn’t, I’ve sent her to bed (or forced her to take another nap).  Follow through is important!!!  Of course, this option is not always available, as we’re often not home during a tantrum, but I use it whenever I can.

Am I always successful preventing a tantrum?  Absolutely not. But, using these tips, I’ve noticed a decline in her tantrums.

What about you? What are your tips for handling tantrums? I’d love to hear from you.

Is it ever TOO early to formally teach your child a second language?

By:  Davida Grant

My husband and I are committed to bilingualism for our kids.  With Simone, we hired a nanny when she was 1, whose native language was Spanish. Our thinking was, the sooner she’s immersed in a second language, the better.  At 2, we enrolled her in a bilingual daycare.  Last week Simone, now 3, started preschool at a bilingual DC PCS.  So how is Simone doing? Well, my feelings here are mixed.  Yes she knows quite a bit of Spanish. But, her mastery of the English language has suffered quite a bit.  I know that every child is different, but Simone is quite behind some of her peers that have not yet been formally exposed to a second language.  So, I can’t help but wonder if formally exposing a child to a second language before preschool is too early?

We now have to decide whether to put Grant in an English-centered daycare or bilingual/immersion daycare.  I’ve talked to a few bilingual educators on this and there is no consensus.  Some recommend that we immerse Grant in Spanish as soon as possible, which is consistent with the approach we took with Simone.  That way, he’ll learn the languages in tandem.  Others recommend that we wait until Grant enters preschool before putting him in an immersion or 50/50 bilingual program. They believe it’s critically important for a child to have a solid foundation in the primary language BEFORE introducing the second language in any significant way.  In their experience, it’s harder for children to master either language if they don’t have a foundation in their native language.

The hubby and I have some serious thinking to do.

Have you had to deal with this issue?  What are your thoughts and experiences?

The Mommy Blues

Ok. I’m going to keep it real.  As much as I profess and “believe” that I am supermom, my kids WEAR ME OUT!!!!  The whining, crying, non-stop questioning, backtalking, not to mention laundry, breastfeeding and cleaning on a daily basis is sometimes overwhelming.  I’m so tired half the time, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.  And the by-product of my weariness is a highly irritated mommy.  Sometimes, at the end of the day, I don’t even like me.  I can’t help but wonder if my sour puss attitude adversely affects my kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know every mom has these days, but how many is TOO many?   Lately, I’ve been snapping at Simone more and more.  Is she the problem or is it really me?  I want her to see the best of me and often I think she sees the very worst.  Bedtime is at 7:30 and there’s many a day (and I do mean MANY) I find myself living for 7:30 p.m.  That’s not right!  I literally stare at the clock as it inches closer and closer to 7:30.  And when the long hand hits 30, I PROMPTLY start our “night night” routine.   After I give Simone her bath, read her two books (this takes EVERYTHING OUT OF ME), and put her to bed, I’m almost giddy.  Then I feel overwhelmed with guilt.  Sigh…

What about you?  Any mommy blues?  Please tell me I’m not alone.

Is my baby too fat?

So I must admit.  I’ve always wanted a Big, Fat Baby.  You know a baby with a double chin, mini boobs and rolly polly thighs.  Look at the photo. That in a nutshell is my son, Grant.  But lately I’ve been wondering, is my baby too big?

Grant is 4-months old and approximately 17 lbs.  For some of you, that may not seem so huge, but let me put things in context.  Over the last 8 weeks, he’s gained about a pound a week.  That’s crazy!!!!  Not to mention, his sister, Simone, weighs only 27.5 lbs and she’s 3.  I couldn’t believe Grant  weighed that much at his 4-month check-up last week.  What was perhaps even more shocking was the reaction of his doctor’s staff.  They were flabbergasted at his weight gain.  I took it in stride, but couldn’t help but wonder if I’m feeding him too much.  My doctor said he’s fine and I shouldn’t worry, but she did indicate that they would watch his weight gain to make sure he doesn’t gain too much.  That was enough to spur me into action.

Over the past week, I’ve paid very close attention to how much and how often Grant eats.  What I’ve noticed is that my husband and I are LAZY.  We are quick to reach for a bottle to soothe Grant when he cries.  Now, if you’re a mom, you know just how irritating a baby’s cry can be when he cries incessantly.  My husband can’t stand to hear him cry AT ALL and always gives him a bottle to quiet him.  I’ve changed course.  What I’ve noticed is that once Grant consumes 5-6 ounces of milk, his hunger is satiated.  He wants more because he’s greedy and he inevitably ends up throwing up any extra milk because his stomach is too full.  I am now a stickler for feeding him only once every 2.5 to 3 hours and not to exceed 6 ounces during a feed.  I’ve also stopped being so lazy.  Now, I take him for walks, sing to him, play with him for longer periods, etc., to distract him.  And when he starts with the greedy cries, I just suck it up and hug him until he stops.  Those are the longest 10-15 minutes, but when I stick to the plan, Grant settles down and is content for another couple hours.  Will these actions change my baby’s status? I think not.  He’ll still be my Big, Fat, Rolly Polly Baby, but hopefully his weight gain will be a bit more normal.

What about you?  Do you have a big baby?  Are you concerned about your baby’s weight gain or loss?  I’d love to hear from you.