By: Davida Grant
And then there were two….
Several expectant moms recently asked how I’m handling the transition from one to two kids. I have a 6-month-old, Grant, and a 3-year-old, Simone. Well, the short of it is, it’s been a BUMPY ride. If your family is about to expand to two children, brace yourself. One child turns your world upside down. Two children virtually obliterate life as you know it. Now, I’m not suggesting that dark clouds will fill your days, but there’s no question that transitioning to a two-child household will be a MAJOR adjustment.
So what’s the good news? Well, I didn’t have that enormous learning curve to tackle. That’s been a HUGE plus. The bad news is, there’s only one of me. Finding the time and strength to take care of two kids, my husband, my household responsibilities, my job, and lastly myself has been a TALL order. Even my super mommy cape didn’t do much. So what did I do?
Let me start with the day-to-day stuff.
I had to learn to manage expectations of me. With Simone, I pretty much had things under control. Grant changed all that. Some days, actually most days, I just could not get everything done. It took awhile, but I finally learned to accept that it’s okay. Every mom of two is in the same boat. So, I resolved to do what I could to make sure that all the essentials were cared for, and not to sweat the small stuff.
I made sure I had a daily plan, EVERY DAY. When it was just Simone, I could pretty much handle things on the fly. Yes, I had somewhat of a schedule floating around in my mind, but it wasn’t hard and fast. Once Grant entered the picture, “time” really became a precious commodity. Without a firm plan in place (and I mean almost down to the minute in the mornings and in the evenings), I found myself wasting so much time trying to figure out the whats, whens, wheres and hows, that I got very little accomplished, was late to every thing, and was totally stressed out. Mapping things out improved my handling of the day-to-day necessities exponentially.
I had to learn to ask for help. Once your new bundle arrives, you will quickly figure out the activities that stress you out the most. When you do, ask for help with those activities. For me, putting both of my kids to bed seven nights a week wore me out. I spoiled my husband with Simone and he was perfectly content to let me do all the bedtime activities for both kids. I tried handling it all for awhile, but realized it was just way too much. So, I asked (he’d probably say I told him) to help. Now, my husband feeds Simone, reads to her, bathes her and puts her to bed at least two nights a week. This has made a huge difference. I also send Simone to my mom’s house or her godparents’ house for an ENTIRE weekend at least once every six weeks. There simply are no words in the English language to express how much this helps me to maintain my sanity. Simone, God bless her, is off the chain. We all have angels on earth willing to help us. Seek them out. You’d be surprised at how willing they are to lend a hand.
Now let me turn to what’s been even harder than coping with the day-to-day activities – remaining fully connected with Simone and fully bonding with Grant. This has been a bear. Before Grant arrived, Simone and I were two peas in a pod. We did everything together. Most of my spare time was spent showering her with love and attention and I couldn’t have been happier. Grant entered the picture and everything changed, not just for Simone, but for me too. Grant was now the baby and there was a special mothering he got that’s only reserved for infants. Yes, I still spent time with Simone, but I almost felt like Grant needed me a little more because he was so helpless. And frankly, I craved getting to know him. I wanted to spend hours looking at him, smelling him, watching the way he moves and communicates. How could I do that and still give Simone everything she was getting from me emotionally before Grant arrived? Honestly, it’s like a part of me wanted to take a hiatus from being Simone’s mom so that I could focus solely on Grant.
It’s been six months since I had Grant and I still struggle with this. I often feel like Simone is getting the short end of the stick which possibly contributes to the EPIC tantrums she has. She’s only three and still needs me so much. Yes, she has to accept the fact that she must share me with Grant, but I have to find a way to “share” myself fully and fairly with both of my kids. I’m not there yet.
So, mommy readers with two or more kids, how did you handle the transition? Please share. I could still use some help.
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